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lyrics

My mother cried out when she saw me, what can you do?
She always said that she found me, that isn’t true.
I came to town with a future bright as an eye.
I was so sure, and a beauty-- that is a lie.

What can I remember?
I remember the reflection of the sky in her black eyes.
What can I remember?
I remember how her lies became my lies.
What can I remember?
I remember our first night in the cave, and the rain.
What can I remember?
I remember the mask she wore of both our pain.
And I remember her name:

Espinosa, like no other
brought me food and gave me cover
until the day we were discovered.
I always knew you were my mother.

We were asleep when they raided our cave.
Showed us the cross, said we’d be saved.
You held me close and began to descend.
I knew that I would never rest again.

What can I remember?
I remember the first time the sound of a man’s voice reached for me underground.
What can I remember?
I remember being found, and found, and found.
What can I remember?
I remember how strange it was to find a man’s face, so different than mine.
What can I remember?
I remember they looked powerful then, and kind.

Espinosa, is it over?
The error of your body you prayed to right.
Espinosa, is it over?
Coming out from the dark doesn’t guarantee light.

credits

from The Ape Woman Live at the Berkshire Fringe, released March 6, 2021

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May Oskan Oakland, California

May Oskan is a writer, singer, and voice teacher based in the San Francisco Bay Area.

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